:: Narg Champa ::

:: Friday, January 4, 2008 ::

:: Looking to the Future ::

As we are only a couple days into the month of January, the television is the site of a long parade one New Year's resolution-based self improvement ad after another. Not surprisingly, weight loss is the most common, but lets not forget better hair, beter skin, better teeth, more money, finding love, financial security, and the zillion other things people around the country have promised to accomplish/achieve in the coming year. It always makes me wonder how many people actually get anywhere near their goals and--perhaps even more appropriate in this context-- how much money can be made this time of year off of all of those who attempt to fulfil their promises. As I sit watching day 3 of VH1's America's Next Top Modelthon(4...? I don't know they all run together), where they are quite literally running all 9 cycles end to end without any sort of break for the entire week-- I can't help but notice the (perhaps not so) stealthy corroboration from the various television networks. Sure, there's the writers strike, and lord knows they're hard pressed for anything else to put on, but it seems more than a little suspicious that a show that further glorifies the teeny-tiny, clear skinned, white-toothed, beautifully-tressed, model ideal just happens to be sucking viewers to the television just as the year gets off to start. I love ANTM, in fact, I can't stop watching it, no matter watery my brain begins to feel, or how murky the past few days seem. I also can't stop feel like shit because of it. Go figure.

Of course, it would be hypocritical of me to a.) criticize New Year's resolutions, or b.)blame ANTM for all of my current self confidence issues/physical obsessions. I myself have had a resolution for the past three years-- all of which I've managed to accomplish (I think), I'm glad to say. I guess what gets me this year is that none of those resolutions were exactly what you'd call "traditional." They were all things I felt like I needed to work on to make myself a better, stronger, happier person. Freshman year I vowed to grow a spine, after spending months pining after a friend, growing increasingly more frustrated-- while also marveling at the percieved strength of many of my peers at Bryn Mawr. Sophomore year I decided to remove what I believed to be a negative element from my life (with as much civility as possible). I can't say that it remained as civil as I would have liked it to, but the person did wind up out of the picture for as long as I needed them to be-- and by the end of the year we were speaking again and I found that my outlook on this aspect of my life had become increasingly healthy, and that all of my past troubles with this person had more or less been swept away by the passing of time. Junior year, after realizing that I'd been staying in several of my relationships (and other situations) way past their due date, because I was chronically afraid of being rude/horrible/a heart breaker, I decided to just suck it up and start making decisions that actually included my own desires. Obviously, I'm not saying that i felt "obligated" to stay in past relationships per se, but the fact of the matter was that I was beginning to find that I regretted certain choices I'd made... or rather... avoided, in the interest of "being nice". Ultimately, something like that is no good for all parties involved. Interestingly, this resolution seemed to have some of the broader implications, and helped me make other kinds of decisions in the past year, and when I look back at the past three years as a whole, I see someone who has grown and taken her experiences and used them to truly better herself, even in small ways.

This year however, that is not the case. I'm sure it's not that I don't *need* to figure out some deep and psychologically based thing I should work on for the year it's just that... well... I haven't really thought of what that thing should be yet. I seem to be a bit preoccupied with the physical aspects of being at the moment. Thus my New Year's resolutions are as follows:

1.) Be a better vegetarian

As of last July, I cut meat out of my diet (keeping in some fish and seafood to ease the transition, to make eating at home (Mexico) a little more reasonable, and also because at the time I believed that the practices used in procuring fish/seafood wasn't quite so bad. Yes, I do realize this isn't quite the case.) Unfortunately, due to some fairly poor eating habits, and Haffner's truly abismal selections this past semester I found that I gained nearly 20 lbs over the past semester. Yikes! Which brings me to the biggest revelation of 2007... tofu is really fattening if you eat too much of it! So, I decided that for 2008 I would make sure that I was a veggie eating veg, not just a tofu and carb eating veg. This was also supposed to include the removal of fish/seafood from my diet.

However, after slightly overdosing on cheese during my time at home (thus far) I am thinking of slightly reworking this resolution. Instead of just being a better vegetarian, in addition, I have decided to give eating (mostly) vegan a trial run for the first month I'm back at Bryn Mawr. I say "mostly" because I will probably keep honey/bee-products in my diet (certainly in my daily routine, because I use a lot of burt's bees and other natural products that incorporate such things), and also because my reasons for veg*nism (ah yes, i'm learning online veg speak) are predominantly environmental and I feel as though I will always prefer using ethically produced/collected/farmed wool, bees-wax, etc. over synthetic (and often petroleum based) alternatives. We shall see how this goes! I'm actually sort of excited, perhaps for the challenge, perhaps also for the change in life style. Let's hope that Cynthia's delicious vegan desserts continue to be amazing : )

2.) Lose weight

Quite a bit of weight actually. This one is so cliche, I know, but it *has* to happen. I am unhappy as always with my size and I just seem to keep gaining. Slowly, and often with periods of loss... but the fact remains that I do just keep getting bigger one way or another. Because of the recent weight gain, this is no longer minor weight loss-- I'm looking at trying to lose 40-50lbs. I am hoping that resolution #1 will positively incoporate with this goal. If you look at what I'm eating now, a lot of it would be removed from my diet if I was following a (mostly) vegan diet. Basically, I want to get myself into the best shape of my life-- I want to feel (and look) healthy. Hopefully if I do it responsibly it will make this goal easier. I want this-- I want to make it happen (finally), and if it takes a cliche to do it, I'm ok with that!

Labels: ANTM, resolutions, veg*nism, weight

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